I have this prompt for a practice TAKS essay in English:
“Write about the importance of participating in an activity you enjoy.
This is my responce:
You know, some people are just great at painting. Others, maybe is simple drawing pr perhaps sculpting. But for me, there is one form of art that I believe is my true niche and that holds a lot of importance to me. That, is the practice and aspect of photography. For as far back as I can remember, I’ve always gotten a total thrill out of taking pictures. When I was young, I always begged my mom to buy me those little “throw-away” cameras. It was such a pleasure to take pictures and a major gratification to get them printed. Of course, they weren’t ever good by my standards today, but it’s a hobbie that has followed me throughout the years. It has become a very important, fun pastime and release for me. Some people say anyone can take a picture, and this is 100% true. But it takes a true photographer to take a GOOD picture. It takes a true photographer to take a picture that makes that viewer feel as if they are in the frame itself. That, is true photographic talent. And it is important to me that I am able to accomplish this. I see people every day that have a million different hobbies that define who they are. And I’m not that girl. I don’t do much. The things I do do, I’m not all that impressive at. But when it comes to photography, I feel like that is something I can be recognized for. Not only that, but I enjoy it so much! I traded in my “throw-aways” for a DSLR. It practically goes with me everywhere. You never know when a shot opportunity will present itself. You got to be prepared. Whether it’s a sunset landscape the colors of peaches and grapes, or ducks on a pond you pass on your way home. Art is everywhere; Beauty in every nook and cranny of this world. Photography is the quickest and most accurate way to capture that. And nothing is better than the original, you can only get so close with a painting. Photography is my absolute passion and drive. Click, click!
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Is This A Good Taks Essay (just Practice)?
Posted on February 17, 2011.
This is a really good essay, but you have some minor issues. You should take out the commas in the places where you wrote “That, is”. In “others, maybe is simple drawing” you should say “Others may be good at simple drawing”. This is because you’re following up on the sentence you wrote before, so the sentence structure should be the same. When you use a semicolon, like the one you used towards the end of the essay, do not capitalize the word following the semicolon. Replace “throw-away” with “disposable”.
Try not to write this like you are having a conversation with a friend. “You know”, “total”, “those little”, and “You got to be prepared” are too casual and not good for an essay. If you take those out, your essay would look a lot better. Also, try not use “and” at the beginning of a sentence. Instead, add that sentence to the one before it.
Overall really nice essay! Great job 🙂