Hello! First I would like to say I’m a 13 almost 14 year old girl. An I need help with something.. a few years ago my father started sleeping on the couch and aconally sleep with my mother. At first I though it was no big deal. Well I found out his little secret.. he watches porn its like he is obsessed with it he even had an app on his phone called lovely laninas. Just a few months ago I was looking through his phone when I went to the market app then serch it saw it… were he typed in married but looking and hot single 40 and up chat room and this one discused me sooo much I’m not putting it up here I don’t know if he’s figured it out yet. I’ve started noticing he makes dirty comments about women he sees at the mall the worst part it my mom hears him. He still doesn’t sleep with my mom only we go on vacation. He also has porn books I wasn’t searching for those but I went to go get a towel to bathe my dog but when I pulled it out all his book fell down with the towels……. I don’t know wat to do I’m sooo sad :'(….. plss don’t tell me I shouldn’t be doing that I know I’m now and don’t say I’m to young to know what porn its but I go to a really bad school.. I came here for a answer so pls answer it!!!
I’m not sure what your question is, but I can only tell you that you won’t be able to control the relationship your parents have. If your dad’s behavior has you disillusioned, try to be forgiving and realize that your parents are flawed human beings. Your parents are probably staying together for the sake of the family and when you’re grown, don’t be surprised if they get a divorce. It has nothing to do with you, although it is undoubtedly sad for you to know this about your dad. It would be better if you hadn’t ever known, but since you do, don’t dwell on this aspect of your dad. I’m sure he has his good qualities, too, so don’t focus on his imperfections.
There really is no question. I am sorry for what you are going through, it must be hard for you. Not all men are like this and don’t settle for this when you are an adult.
This is not your marriage even though you are affected by it. Your mother may be with him because she has no other financial option or because she’s of the “stay together for the sake of the kids” mindset or even because she hopes things will get better. In any event, it’s not your business.
Quit searching through his stuff. Your mother knows what’s up as much as, or better than, you do. Stay in school, even if it’s bad, long enough to graduate. Get to college ASAP and stay out of all the drama.
Love your parents for who they are. They are flawed and fragile human beings who happen to be your parents.
I will not lecture you no worries. I taught middle and high school kids they know a lot more then people think.
Why sometimes the adults in their lives do not cover up their dysfunctions etc.
This is in my opinion an escapism for your Dad. Your Mom self esteem has probably taken a blow. I am sure she hears and it hurts. He is being aggressive and angry. He is most likely having angry feelings that have nothing to do with intimacy for your Mom.
I am sorry this weight is on your mind. What a loving daughter. How hard to choose sides so-Don’t.
I would not mention the magazines videos found etc to either Mom or Dad.
I would at some time private with Mom tell her you love her and just say I wanted to check how you are. I overheard Dad say somethings within our ear shot at the mall today that was hurtful and disrespectful to us both as women. Don’t make it just about her. You are hurt to -she is your mother. Give her big hug. She will appreciate it. If she needs to talk about it she will and if not she will know you love and support her.
As for Dad you might want to come down to get a drink or something when he is on couch. Join him and say can’t sleep Dad? How come you are on the couch.
The idea is to open the discussion to them. Not tell them what you seen or heard but start with the basic. Can’t sleep in the bed you ok?
Go from there.
Ironically, sometimes parents drift apart and it takes a child “blessing” to allow them to split. Some old fashioned value parents stick it out until the kids are in college or out of house.
If it pains you and you begin to think all of you need a little break it might be time to subtly let them know. You have noticed and want to know what it all means.
It is subtle confrontation but you are addressing the issue as any child would want to know what is going on in their home it affects you.
Good luck
First i want to say, im so sorry for you that you have to carry such an adult burden. Both your parents should be ashamed of themselves for putting you into such a situation. Now as to what to do about it, im really not sure, I would suggest talking to your mother about it, she might be suffering emotionally also, you could get through this together, she must not allow his behavior to continue it is damaging you and your mother. If you cannot talk to her about it you must fine someone else to help you, your father is acting so inappropriate. A father should be a role model on how woman should be treated with respect, not looked at as a sexual object. You could confront your dad and tell him how much it bothers you when he makes dirty comments about women and would he please stop when your around. Good Luck, oh and one more thing, stop snooping around with your dads phone, not a good idea :0)
Hello, Im sorry that you had to experienced this with your parents. Not knowing the root of the problem as to why your dad is so into porn, Know that you are the child and they are the parents. please don’t allow this to effect your relationship with your dad. Truly this is between your parents. You can go to your mom and ask her is everything ok between you and dad ,because I’ve been noticing these changes of behavior. And Mom maybe you and Dad should think about seeing a marriage counselor. Sometimes couples need a mediator to help them get back to the love they first felt for one another. Sometimes its small things that get in the way, And we as adults get so busy doing for everyone else ,we forget to take care each other.