I’m always different from everyone I spend time with. If I’m in a group of people, 90% of the time if they want to do something, I want to do something else. The only time my needs/wants are served is if someone else wants to do that too or if they don’t mind that particular time. My needs/wants are greatly under-served, and that builds resentment in me. I try to be selfless, but I’m human, and eventually what I want shows itself, and people leave. For instance, when I was 4-years-old, I loved jazz music. When other 4-year-olds where watching Barney, I was listening to jazz.
I’ve always had the struggle: be true to myself and be alone OR pretend to like this or that and have temporary company until they discover the truth. It just feels really false and fulfilling. I always feel lonely when I’m surrounded by “friends”.
I’m in my mid-twenties now, and making friends is harder than ever. I don’t have a “niche”. There may be like-minded people somewhere out there, but there aren’t many of them. I’m so lonely.
Help?