Who was right/wrong in this situation?
I have a very good friend name Armena that goes to my church and has all 25 years of her life. Her mother is American and her father I believe is from Turkey. Her parents dont attend the church, but her grandparents on her mothers side do and they have taken her to the church all 25 years of her life. Although her mother doesnt attend, her mother has since 1978, given money to support a missionary affiliated with the church who does work in India. The church treasurer, is very nosy and gossipy and rather than go to this girls grandparents that attend, the treasurer said to Armena, “Would your mom be interested in writing (Rebecca, the Missionary). Rebecca called me and feels that because of your fathers faith, that she cant contact your mom, since she has seen some men overseas you were abusive to their wifes”. This upset my friend Armena and the treasurer said “This is just between us” but what the treasurer meant was that she was to “keep it between us” but the treasurer could go around the church and blab about what this lady said to everyone else. My friend told her grandparents how hurt she was, so at a ladies prayer meeting, the grandmother said please pray for my granddaughter she has been hurt very badly by someone at the church. The ministers wife who isnt discreet and talks a lot (knew who her grandmother meant) even though no names were mentioned and went and told the church treasurer that. Armena stayed away from this woman who she was friendly with before, until she said that to her.
The church treasurer was angry when the pastors wife told her that and also going around telling everyone that Armena has been ignoring her, and they (the treasurer and Armena) were on friendly terms before that, so the treasurer wrote a nasty email to Armena and said:
“I was wanting to take up this issue with you and your grandparents, but since you were the one I orignally talked to, I thought I would email you. I am not sure what you told your grandmother but I happened to find out by accident that your grandma went to someone else in church and was complaining about me upsetting her granddaughter. I am very disappointed that I wanted to relay something good and exciting since this missionary wanted to tell your mom all she was able to do with the money your mom gave her, and you chose to turn it into something ugly. I am sorry my friendship with you meant so little that you would choose to not even come around me”.
A few months went by, and the treasurer angrily came to her grandmother and said “I have been told twice by two other parishioners that I was not to come to you about this, but I am angry and I will” and she told the grandmother, your granddaughter owes me an apology, she avoided me after I talked to her” The granddaughter talked to her nicely and said she never mentioned names she mentioned in a ladies prayer meeting that her granddaughter had been hurt and to pray for her so she wouldnt leave the church.
Well after all this, my friend Armena has left the church. My question is:
1) Obviously this wasnt handled well. But who is wrong in this case, the church treasurer or Armena? Naturally I dont think its Armena’s fault
2) What could have been done more properly in this situation so Armena wouldnt have left?