I’m 19 years old and my entire life I’ve felt like I was something different than everyone else. Not in a good way either, more like I had a different mentality and understanding of the world than almost everyone else. For example, let’s say that 99.99% of the world’s population were apple Jolly Rancher’s, I always felt like I was a cherry Jolly Rancher in a world of apples. For whatever reason, I was always incredibly anti-social (and I still am today). I had several friends, but I found it hard to be able to relate to them as well. All the kids I talked to in my school on rare occasion seemed to be set on doing their homework, getting A’s on assignments and projects, and getting jobs while they were in school. I never liked homework; always blew it off to play video games and hang out with friends, always wanted a job but never had a half-decent resume of any kind, and was caught up in pipe dreams of one day making it big in the music industry. A few people I knew growing up wanted to make music too, but every single one of them copped out on it, because it was more of a trend and not something that was a passion for them like it is for me.
Many (almost all) of the people I associate with now talk about being in college, getting degrees, and choosing the profession of their dreams. But for me, I have no interest in doing any of that. I have a passion for music, writing, and tobacco products. My interest in following the path in life that so many choose to take was always temporary and superficial. The only value I saw in that lifestyle was being able to earn the respect of average people who only did what their parents did, and their grandparents did, and so on. That lifestyle seems empty to me and I feel like I’d be betraying myself if I followed it just to appease people in this society. I’d also be betraying myself if I tried to live an alternative lifestyle just to appeal to the counter-culture. I do what I do, because it’s what I want and not because it’s what other people want for me. I know that just by typing this, I’m gonna get comments from people who are going to accuse me of trying to live up to a lifestyle just for approval. I’m not worried about those people, I just wish they would realize that maybe someone out there really does want something different then what most people really have or really want.
The kinds of things I’m interested in are the kinds of things most people would associate with trouble like being a tattoo artist, or the owner of a pipe shop,or a liquor store manager, or even a rocker. I have tried many times to fit into the shoes of an average joe, but I just can’t do it. I don’t have the mentality, the patience, or the intelligence to be like them. It doesn’t mean I’m better or worse then every Betsy or Zack, it just means I don’t share the same niche. My belief system and understanding of the world is so dramatically different that I couldn’t possibly survive living this lie. It’s like I’m a puzzle piece from an entirely different puzzle that keeps getting jammed into the society puzzle. Believe me, I’ve tried to fit in and make my life count just like everyone around me, but it’s just not the same. I truly believe my purpose is else where, but if I don’t try to find out for sure, how will I ever know?