Affiliate Marketing Secrets

someone who worships God and prays to him and reads the bible but doesn’t go to church or doesn’t want to be affiliated with it.

hello im 18 years old and im having trouble finding myself and where i belong in this world. im don’t want to bore you guys w/ a long tedious paragraph, so i shall keep this short and simple.
from since i could remember ive always questioned my faith and religion. now that i am much older i have come to realization that i’m a believer, but i do not wish to affiliate myself w/ an organization. much so because of the hypocrisy . i have one problem tho…i am no way near spiritual as i would like to be.
i must admit that i occasionally have negative thoughts more than i should and these thoughts come from my mild anxiety. how am i suppose to become a better person and finding myself if im always negative towards myself. i want to change the way i think cleanse my mind with positivity .
everytime i would try to pray or something my negative thoughts would kick in saying “youre not really praying” “you dont know know what you are talking bout”…blah blah blah. & then i would start to feel like i was being pretentious about trying to be spiritual.
how do you stay positive?