Affiliate Marketing Secrets

hello im 18 years old and im having trouble finding myself and where i belong in this world. im don’t want to bore you guys w/ a long tedious paragraph, so i shall keep this short and simple.
from since i could remember ive always questioned my faith and religion. now that i am much older i have come to realization that i’m a believer, but i do not wish to affiliate myself w/ an organization. much so because of the hypocrisy . i have one problem tho…i am no way near spiritual as i would like to be.
i must admit that i occasionally have negative thoughts more than i should and these thoughts come from my mild anxiety. how am i suppose to become a better person and finding myself if im always negative towards myself. i want to change the way i think cleanse my mind with positivity .
everytime i would try to pray or something my negative thoughts would kick in saying “youre not really praying” “you dont know know what you are talking bout”…blah blah blah. & then i would start to feel like i was being pretentious about trying to be spiritual.
how do you stay positive?