Affiliate Marketing Secrets

Looking for advice for personal change. With the circumstances of my life left in the dark (Everyone’s got problems), I ask for someone to help me figure out a way to restructure my philosophy towards iving. I have been on a loop cycle of failure after failure in virtually everything I put my mind towards for the past 5 years.
As I am today, I feel that everything that could possibly be done in this life is ultimately futile and even in the most lucrative circumstances has no collective meaning whatsoever in the scheme of the universe. I am glad to say I do not believe emotions to be at play here except as a product of this extreme pessimism. Though it is as if I am in a flight pattern that goes nowhere, because what is the point of going anywhere if where we are is ultimately going to be controlled and supervised by the rest of the pious population till we grow old and decrepit, only to reach our final destination of a most likely unpleasant death.
I don’t follow social trends and have a very hard time understanding any other person these days. I feel as though every day I wake up further into a dream, with no real niche, journey, or plans. The idea of contentment, discontentment, happiness, sadness, success, failure mean nothing to me. I would go as far as to say I am undecided about even the most trivial decisions, as though I have completely disregarded to ideas of opinion or choice. This is beginning to have a profound effect on my social aptitude. I am finding myself during conversation just completely breaking off in mid sentence because I loose interest in anything I may be discussing with someone.
I am atheist, and first taught myself about the seemingly futile, and then non-existence of god. I am in college but can’t stop switching fields of study and then eventually drop out of the semester. I have tried a handful of popular religions in an attempt to direct my life somewhere constructive, but have always realized I was trying to trick myself in the end.
With this neutralization of motivation though has come some comforting lifestyle changes. I have quit smoking cigarettes and for whatever reason didn’t die a drug/alcohol addict (Something that was likely for a few years). This may be why I am not too panicked about my situation, I used to be a lot worse off. It is my feeling that at least I am not hurting the people around me any longer, therefore I have at least corrected the wrong I once committed. Maybe this is a complex?
I really don’t know what else to write.