I am nearly 16 and have Major Depressive Disorder which is being treated with fluoxetine (Prozac) 20mg/day. I have been on it for nearly two years. I think it may have stopped working, as I am having very serious thoughts of suicide and have been constructing a plan. Normally, this would mean I need to go up on my dosage of medication, but I have had, for longer than I have been on this medication, schizophrenia-like symptoms. These symptoms have been getting steadily worse since I was very young, but my therapist says that my medication may be making it worse. I am not sure. 20mg/day is a relatively low dose, and I was wondering what would happen if I just stop taking it cold turkey, instead of weaning off. I haven’t taken it yet today, and so far I feel fine. My therapist does not know that my depression has been worsening, and my prescribing doctor is not aware of the schizophrenia-like symptoms. I really don’t want to have to tell my doctor about the schizophrenia-like symptoms, because then I might have to see a psychiatrist and be dependent a whole new bunch of medications, so I need to do this by myself. Other reasons not to tell my doctor include but are not limited to a) I have a huge fear of being involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward, and the schizophrenia-like symptoms could warrant that coupled with the suicidal thoughts, b) he’d tell my mother, who would only make matters worse despite good intentions, c) I believe he’s out of town this week, not to mention d) I sometimes wonder if he and other professionals are affiliated with the Watchers (the things that watch me all the time, I have no better way to describe them). And I can’t see a psychiatrist without a referral because I live in Canada, besides the fact that psychiatrists scare me… a lot. I need to do this myself. What will happen if I just stop taking the prozac? Will it be that bad?
I do exercise, but exercising has never really helped me. I can’t call my physician because I think he is out of the country right now on vacation. He is a pediatrician and my family doctor has seen me only a handful of times in my entire life, including when I was a baby, so I can’t and don’t want to see her.