By no means am I contemplating suicide. I just want to clear that up before I begin.
I always feel as though I’m just in life for the ride, and maybe that’s the point of life, but I always feel like I’m just there, never really serving any particular purpose except to be a not-so-worthy competition to other people. I wouldn’t call myself gorgeous, but I wouldn’t call myself ugly, either, but my friends get all the attention from girls and boys, and I’m the one who sits in the corner and holds the drinks. I consider myself average-looking, and I’ve been told many times that I’m really nice, but people would only want to know me as a friend, and nothing more, which makes me believe that I have to be rude and reckless to get a boy to like me and acknowledge me.
I know my niche is writing, but whenever I try to be as best as I can be at writing, there’s always somebody there to cut me down like a tree, to make me feel like writing isn’t my niche, to make me question whether or not it’s what I’m destined to do. Maybe I try too hard to be number one — I always submit my pieces to writing competitions, like one at my school, for example, where I came out in the bottom of the barrel, losing the top prizes to people who don’t even like writing, while it’s the one thing I can see myself doing for the rest of my life.
I have never really won anything, either. I don’t really expect to win things, because I’m not a competitive person, but I always feel like I want to be recognized for my writing or for some other attributes I have, and I always strive to get something that I really, truly want, but there’s always somebody better than me, always someone who wants it more, always something standing in the way of being recognized or getting what I want. I tried out to be a peer leader at my school for my last year, and I lost the position to kids in my class who are, in my opinion, the worst role models, to people who get everything they want handed to them on a silver platter, to people who bullied me and my friends, to people who drink until they’re so drunk that they pass out or hook up — or worse — with anybody on whom they can get their hands.
Maybe I’m looking way too deep into this, but I always feel like whenever I want to be recognized, there’s something or someone standing in the way and inhibiting my drive to be recognized, and it hurts me. Sometimes, like in the case of peer leaders, I found myself so upset by the decision that I began listing reasons why I’d be a better peer leader than the twelve who were chosen, and I’m not the kind of person to list the bads in people. I try to see the good in people, and sometimes I just get so upset by them doing better than me that I tend to do this.
I’m seventeen, and I have my future ahead of me, and maybe what I’m feeling is a part of growing up, or maybe I’m just being self-absorbed and selfish, but this is all really bothering me. How can I get out of feeling this way? How do I get used to the fact that there will always be people better than me? Is this normal, or am I being selfish? If I’m being selfish, how can I get over this, because I hate feeling like I’m being selfish, but I don’t know whether or not I’m being selfish?
Does all this even make sense?
Thanks
Categorized | Affiliate Marketing 101
How Do I Get Out Of Feeling That I’m Just Here For The Ride?
Posted on September 2, 2010.
I would like to say that you sound like a very intelligent young lady, your heart is in the right place,. I think you are just experiencing “growing pains”. I think you need to list all your wonderful qualities and start volunteering. Don’t stop writing, continue to express yourself through your writing. Don’t doubt your talent, it is God given and no one can take it from you, build upon it. I think you would be an asset to any organization, “Boys and Girls Club,and any youth program. I volunteer at various organizations and have found it really helpful and you feel good help ling others. I would also suggest volunteering to read to children at story time in the library. I don’t think your being selfish, you must continue to do things you like and don’t give up.Your time for recognition will come. I will also say, there is someone for everyone, don’t think you will be alone forever, keep being out-going and charming. You will meet that special person, when you least expect it. God bless you.
Don’t think about what other people say. Do you love to write? If so then who cares if everyone wants to read it. Do it because you love it, and trust me there will be someone out there who wants to read what you have to write (I mean come on, look how big Twilight got, and as far as I’m concerned that book sucks… just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean someone else couldn’t).
My brother is a youth leader at our church and he has a saying he uses all the time to get the kids motivated, its “Those Who Want Change, Change.”. If you feel like you’re just along for the ride do something to change that. You have to ability to be whatever you want to be, all you have to do is make it happen. You can’t force others to recognize the good in you, but you can keep at it until someone does. Do what makes you happy, not just what will get other people to notice you.
You pretty much are. You’re lucky you got in and now make the most of it. Eat the ice cream (w/ moderation) and enjoy the women.
Help others and you’ll see that in the end you will enjoy this ride.
And don’t bleed or sweat for anyone or anything!
haha *****. get a life and a girl while your at it
take a bath and just think.
get yourself full of energy. be extatic. you can do absolutely anything you want to. but you really have to have it in your mind. but, if you keep thinking negitively, thinking that there is always someone better than you.. then its more likely to happen. who knows, maybe you are going to become the best. your future is in your hands and you can do WHATEVER you want to. your not being selfish. i often feel that same way.
many kids are idiots. boys can be terribly cruel and girls.. hell bitchy. normally they are jelous. and look at it this way. in a years time you will be in university or whatever doing brilliantly. doing whatever YOU want to do. but you reeeeally need to beleive in yourself.
and the thing of girls not really interested in you.. thats all psychological. go out one day, really happy and full of energy, and be yourself chat to anyone that draws attention to you. dont be nervous.
you sound really intelligent by the way.
x