Gay male in my early 20’s here. A few weeks ago, I met this guy. At first I never would’ve considered getting involved with him cause he lives nearly 2 hours away but we have so much in common, more than probably with anyone I’ve ever known. We started talking all day every day, and he made no secret of the fact that he really likes me and was falling for me. He’d keep telling me I’m the hottest guy he’s ever seen, I’m amazing, he’s never felt like this before. I thought it was really sweet, but at times, veered off into feeling a little bit too much like idolization (For example, I’m an actor and he watched a movie I was in and told me “You first come on screen two minutes and 42 seconds in”). Anyway though, we began seeing each other. He came here, then I went there, and we both kept saying how much we like each other. But here’s the kicker…he’s leaving for Australia next week and doesn’t come back until June! However, he’s kept talking about our plans for when he gets back and the summer and stuff – even mentioned us living together (yet we’ve never really talked about what we are, if we’re officially in a relationship or what)
So last night, we’re texting and he tells me loves me (which he hadn’t directly said before) and then tells me to check Facebook. He sent me a message, which I found VERY strange. It was saying about how he’s happy that he’s leaving because he’s crazy about me and he knows that if he were staying, he’d push me away because that’s what he does with people. He said that because he’s “always gotten screwed over” in his previous relationships, that’s all he knows (He’s only been out of the closet recently and has never been with a guy before. He’s only dated girls – all of whom he deceived into believing he was straight. So I find it a bit hard to swallow that he supposedly got so screwed over by these girls). He then said that I shouldn’t wait for him (As if I had ANY intention of doing so) and said that while he’s away, he’s gonna be dating guys who he can make these mistakes with because they don’t mean as much to him as I do and said that when he gets back, he’s gonna call “the only person he’s ever loved” and that I should expect that call.
This message bothered me a little – I didn’t like how he was whining about getting “screwed over” and pushing people away, I also didn’t like having to hear about all the guys he’s gonna hook up with – but I thought maybe I was being irrational and I’d let it go. Then he keeps texting me and asking if I got it. I said “I did. So am I really the only person you’ve ever loved? hehe ;)” He writes back saying “Psh yeah! I mean well, I haven’t been on the market long but still” …Not so much the answer I wanted to hear. His whole demeanor felt different. So I “jokingly” wrote back saying “Oh you’d probably say that to any guy who was here lol” So he writes back saying “Well I love everything I know about you and being with you. It’s too soon for I love you’s though now that I think about it [Um who’s the one person who said that though?! Not me!!]. I could be hooking up with lots of guys that are closer!” That was it, I was really mad! I didn’t respond and then like an hour later, I get another text saying “Lol, that may have been me impulsively pushing away”.
I felt like I had had it, so after a lot of thought, I sent back a text saying “And Matt, this is me doing the same.” So he immediately responded “How so?” but I didn’t know what to say, and it was like 3am so I just went to sleep. It’s annoying because I can’t even say in words how he’s gone on and on and on about how nuts he is over me. He said one night he was paranoid and binge drinking and freaking out cause I hadn’t immediately responded to a text of his (I was at work, it took me a few hours!), he said how he talks about me to everyone, his entire Facebook statuses and everything are always about me, there are nearly 2000 texts between us in my phone, etc etc etc. I’m just not sure what to do
Another is… I do like him. On paper, we’re perfect for each other. That said, I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy, maybe it’s just that I’m not used to it being easy, but….something’s missing. With the few guys I’ve previously really liked, I was SO certain. When we kissed, it felt like fireworks going off, I wanted to know everything about them, and be around them every second of every day. I do really like him and think I’d miss him terribly if we were to just stop talking. But I don’t have that fireworks feeling, yknow? He’s attractive but he’s not a good kisser and he smells like an old lady’s attic. Now I don’t know
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Had A Fight With My Guy…am I Being Irrational?
Posted on January 30, 2011.
It sounds like your boy is just really insecure. By pushing you away it seems that he’s trying to work out if you’ll make the effort. It also sounds like you guys should be best friends, not boyfriends. You said it yourself, there’s no fireworks. And if there’s no fireworks in a relationship…then what’s the point?
Okay, so the kissing and the old ladies attic should give you a fair few clues. But to be honest, I think you have already made your mind up. There are people out there who it seems like you have a lot on common with. I happen to be of the opinion that too many things in common make thinks stupidly boring. It’s the differences that make things exciting and that is how you get to learn more about the other person.
If the other person is exactly the same as you, though obviously more emotional? Then it would get boring very quickly.
The nail has been hit on the head though, he is going to Australia, there is nothing you can do about it. You are going to sleep / date other guys and so is he. By the time he returns? Each of you will have probably forgotten about each other and moved on from whatever “this” is.
He does sound like a bit of a head case though, especially with some of the things he has said to you. But to sum up, no relationship is going to develop from this before he leaves is it? So, I would not let it bother you in the slightest. However, I would say when he gets bck to the UK? See if he calls or texts, if he doesn’t you have not lost out on anything and neither has he.
He’s just teasing you.. 🙂 Don’t worry.. Take it easy. And if he stinks take him to the doctor for a solution.. Good Luck!
That guy sounds like he’s insane, crazy, bereft of his faculties, a few fries short of a happy meal, or neurotic. If he’s your kind of crazy, then sit back, relax, and prepare to ride the roller coaster. If you prefer sanity, look somewhere else.