I’m a young mother and wife. I’ve been married for 2 years and we’re on our third now (guess you coulda figured that one out). Anyways, having a child young and getting married has really put a stop on alot of my aspirations. I’ve had to alter my career path alot and have missed out on a lot of opportunities I always thought I’d take. The thing is, I’m okay with that because I’m using the resources I have in my area and the time that I do have to carve a nice niche for myself by choosing a career I CAN have. Its killing me to study, work, go to school, and man the house as well as taking care of our child all the while. I’ve been trying to get through school for the past 3 years and my husband has been working an 8-5 job in the meantime. I’ve tried to get him into school with me but he’s been 2 semesters in which one he didn’t finish and the other he barely passed. Now, he wants to leave and move 7 hours away to get certified in same auto-body school for 2 years. If not that, he wants to move 4 hours away and do an 18 month program. This is heartbreaking to hear him say this stuff. Its like me and his child don’t even matter. It’s like he’s completely blind to how hard i’ve been working to get somewhere for the past 3 years. I don’t have the option to put my family on hold and take off to chase my dreams. I think if i’m sacrificing and making the best of it then he should have to too. It think this is incredibly selfish of him. He is our main source of income to as i’m with our daughter the time and we have no daycare. The thing is, there are other places in our area that offer certification in autobody but he wants to go to the best school he can find. I really just want to tell him to grow the heck up and take responsibility like a man. If he does leave us to go there, I am considering leaving him.
Any advice?
Categorized | Affiliate Marketing 101
My Husband Wants To Leave Us?
Posted on February 3, 2011.
youre question is too long. also youre probably not going to get good advice from anyone on here. sorry 🙁
Honey he is a bum pure and simple. He will always blame you for his shortcomings because it is always someone or something else never him. He wants to leave, but he is too chickenhearted to just walk out so he gives you this nonsense about going to some program that is miles away. When you complain, and rightly so, he then says that it is your fault that he has no job.
IF you like this, stay. If you want a real life that is not tied to an immature man/boy then you are going to have to make some tough choices. I think you should start working on the escape plan. Time to cut your losses and get free of this manipulative lazy lump of an overgrown child.
don’t give up on something you committed to. if he wants to divorce try your butt of to take him back and if he is working that much he is also making enough sacrifices. you have it lucky some men just sit on their a** and watch tv all day.
Your husband needs to grow up. If he wants to go to a trade school like that, fine, but he’ll have to go to a local one. When you have a family it’s all about compromise. You’ve done so, now he’ll have to as well. If he can’t or won’t, maybe he’s not really husband material.
Politics is the art of taking two opposing views and making each think that they are getting something valuable for the concessions they make.
You will find a way for both of you to compromise and each of you getting what you want or in all probability your marriage will fail.
Maybe he can see you through school first and THEN you can move where ever he wants to go to his favorite school? In any event find something to give him that he feels is important to comprimise.
Tell him you do NOT want the marriage to fail or everybody loses, since you ae already in school, it makes sense that you finish first then explain you will work your tail off to see him get his dreams also and everybody wins (especially the kids).
If it does not work then maybe what he really wants is his freedom to be really broke and paying child support and alimony and then he is really nuts.
He is being selfish. You should stay in school & finish, so you can provide a better life for your child. He should try to help you more, you seem to have a very busy life & could use the help. He needs to pull his head out of his butt & try to look at the big picture, instead of only what he wants… He should think of what’s best for the family as a whole.. Not just himself.
You’re not being controlling at all, just realistic & responsible.
If he does move away, despite your objections & concerns, I couldn’t blame you for leaving him. It’s not like he’s helping all that much, outside of giving you money to pay the bills with. He doesn’t seem like he’s THERE, mentally… He’s too busy focusing on himself.
I hate to sound mean & all, that’s just how it came across to me. I’m sincerely sorry that you’re going through this & I really do hope things work out for you & that you won’t have to leave him.. But.. Don’t put your life on hold, just for him.. You’re already sacrificing a lot, because of your child. Do what’s best for your child’s future. He can still be a dad & not be with you.. If you’re studying for a career that you feel will be able to give your child a better life, you need to finish your schooling.. And sorry to say, you’re already in school & stuff, where he’s not & wants to start something new. It’s really rude of him to just act like you don’t matter & try to uproot the family when you’ve got things going for yourself.. He should realize that you’re not doing this just for yourself, but because it would benefit your whole family.. He needs to pull his head out of his butt. :/
You answered your own question.. if he gets all upset and mad..well that’s his own problem..he’s not a man..he needs to learn the hard way..just like you did..you don’t have to follow him around..if he loves you and cares about his family he’ll do what’s best..however..if he only cares about what he wants and nothing else..and is still selfish about that school..then that proves that he’s stupid and isn’t grown enough to be the father, and the decision maker.. and don’t worry about sounding too controlling..you know what’s best for this family.. and if you’re worried that he might leave just because your doing what’s right for this family.. then he’s an asshole.. you can do better than this..stand your ground.. you have your own dreams and goals..if you keep putting them behind..just so he can live his life the way he wants to..then you’re gonna be miserable in your life..
Actually him leaving for training is a good idea, but you need to find resources in your area that will provide free or low cost child care, so that at least some pressure is off you, or stress at least so you can be in a better fame of mind to be a better mother and around person. It doesn’t matter the age of your child but I would breast feed 2 weeks at the very least then enroll the child in childcare, it will help you and the child get used to the fact,, “that childcare is a way of life.” Like it or not its the world we created, also that when home the man now in this 21 Century helps around the house, actually my husband cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, I was stuck with shopping. (Except my clothes which I demanded he help cause I hate all kinds of shopping)
Now while your family is small, child young is the perfect time for him to go for training, you clearly know you made one mistake, bite the bullet now so that the rest Of your life will be easier be it in 5 years or longer. There are birth control pills for men now, a dose for each of you might help avoid bringing another bundle of financial burden on to a pile that is already stacked quite high.
Think your the only one, or life is to hard on you, think about past generations when men left to fight the british, or civil war and keeping house was more manuel, and no child care. Women are strong, but journals were written by men and women for a reason, they are helpful.
It won’t be easy you won’t like the right choices which is why some call them :the hard decisions.
Take life by the horns while your young so that when your old you can enjoy it, its like a bull, once you get the horns and twist yourself and your life in positions you didn’t think you could get past you find that ole bull will just lay down for ya, but you still have to hold him down its just not as hard.