Okay, so everyone always told me that college would be the best 4 years of my life.. i’m more than halfway through my sophomore year, and so far they have been the worst years by far.
My first year i started off at a top university in california, and was really excited to go. Once i got there, i realized how big it was and how lost i felt, and i tried to make friends and find a niche, but still found myself with nobody to hang out with on the weekends… I have always been very academically driven, so i did spend a lot of time doing homework, but so did everyone at this place.
Anyways, I would cry myself to sleep most nights, and really hated the school. I was having an awful time, and decided that i should transfer, in the hopes of creating a fresh start. I transferred to a top liberal arts college on the east coast, and am now having an even worse time. I tried much harder this time to make friends and seek connections and join clubs and groups, and I feel so much worse here than at my old school. I cry myself to sleep quite often, and have had 2 therapists tell me that i’m clinically depressed (and i promise, i was happy as a clam in high school, so this is a new thing.) Also, during november and december of this year, i contemplated suicide multiple times a day, and came somewhat close to carrying it out a number of times.
Needless to say, I’m not having the best years of my life. I can’t drop out of college, because A.) my parents would never allow it, B.) I would never let myself live it down, and C.) I have nothing else to do. I also have no idea what i want to major in, and have lost interest in what i thought i was going to major in (so now i have no way to feasibly fit in any other major before i’m supposed to graduate.)
What should i do? I’m miserable on so many levels.