So, basically, I was given an assignment where I just write a ‘short story’- ( 50-85 pages) about any original plot I made up myself. I eventually came up with the idea Of a very stern, haughty police officer who is paired with the less-responsible daughter of the Police Chief against his will. When I handed in the mandatory plot sheet the teacher said it was fine, but I want to see if I should make the characters a bit more ‘realistic’. Below I have provided this template:
Name: Solomon Edward Janey ( Teasingly called ‘Sol’ by coworkers)
Age: 35
Personality: Very Proud, Straight-Forward way of thinking, Unsocial, Easily Annoyed, Hard-Working, and Insistent
Appearance: A ‘powder-like complexion’, dark gray eyes, and short, slightly graying dark brown hair.
History: The only child of a late Malpractice attorney and a nurse. He was raised in an average house in a solitary neighborhood, and spent more time with his mother than his father. Was known as a ‘braniac’ ( or rather, smart-alec) during school years, and graduated Magna *** Laude from Penn University. After spending two years in medical School, he decided to become a cop after witnessing a robbery in which the cops were obviously biased, and deciding that he would do a much better job. After becoming an official officer of PPD (Philadelphia Police Department) he soon established a very good place, living in a small townhouse making a modest salary. On his sixth year, he was paired with the slightly childish daughter of his boss against his will. He often finds himself arguing with her, but is forced to learn to cooperate when they are given the case of a murder of an heiress, and the attempted murder of her sister, who is now in their custody.
Name: Friday Bethany Allen
Age: 29
Personality: A bit of a slacker, slightly irresponsible, reluctant to take lead, quiet, childish, and thinks in ‘creative ways.’
Appearance: An olive complexion she inherited from her mother, brown eyes, and shoulder-length black hair.
History: Friday grew up with her single father and her younger brother. After having her mother leave at the age of 5, she became more introverted. Currently, it’s not as bad as it was, but it is very rare to find her chatting away. She dreams of becoming a detective after reading the complete Sherlock Holmes series, and was convinced by her father that becoming a Police Officer was the way to go. She was an average student, graduating with decent grades from her local community college. She just recently moved from her condo from the rest of her family to a small studio apartment in the city. When paired with Solomon on her first day she is turned off by his very cold attitude, but when given their first case, tries to get along with him.
Name: Alice Sophia Winston
Age: 21
Personality: Slightly-spoiled, sarcastic, logical, and very afraid.
Appearance: Milk-chocolate skin, wide brown eyes, and short black hair.
History: Alice grew up in a very large mansion, just outside of city-limits. Daughter of a business owner, and secret black-market seller, she grew up living a life of luxury. With full knowledge that as the youngest she would not receive the family fortune, she made sure to keep good relations with her sister. After the sudden death of her father, her sister’s own bloody murder during a fun night-on-the-town not even a month later, she is in fear of her own. Now in the care of the PPD, she finds herself under the custody of Friday and Solomon, two people whose constant arguing makes her feel as if she might just die anyway.
So when I passed it in, my teacher ( who was doing something on the computer) barley looked at it before handing It back without barley saying anything. To ensure I get the best grade possible, I would like some feedback on these three characters. Are they realistic? Are they developed enough? Please tell!
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Are These Characters Considered ‘mary-sues’?
Posted on October 24, 2011.
I’d say they’re fine. Mary-Sues form by lazy authors, and the fact that you put this much work into developing them already puts you aside. Also, Mary-Sues are perfect characters whereas yours have realistic flaws your audience can relate to (ie: Anti-Social, quiet, childish, easily scared, etc).
So, I’d personally say no, but if you still want to make sure, take these tests:http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysu…http://www.katfeete.net/writing/marysue.…http://www.onlyfiction.net/marysue2.html (this one’s a bit similar to the first, but still worth taking a look at)
Hope I helped! Good luck with your assignment! :]
All three of these characters seem a bit cliched when you consider that they are based on archetypes that every crime novel and TV show have, but they’re workable if your only objective is to write an interesting story.
I think they’re fine. 🙂
Little cliche and need more work, but i never say in a novel what a person looks like for two reasons:
I like my reader’s to think for themselves i don’t want them to go brain dead reading my stuff.
Also by the first chapter or so most people have got a picture of a certain character in my mind.
Example: Names give certain people certain images. For me when i think of the name Sara i see a delicate, blond blue eyed girl because i know one, instantly i link to the character in a way that’s my own. How many people would picture the exact thing as me?
Then i get told she’s black haired, brown eyes, fat and freckled and suddenly my image of her is broken and the readre takes a step back from the character.
Just me personally
They do seem a bit cliche, but not Mary-Sues. Could you perhaps put down a bit of dialogue with them interacting? So far, all I see is that two of them hate each other, and the other is indifferent.