Hi, people. I’d like to ask you a question:
What would you do if you feel like living is meaningless?
I mean, I feel like time is passing around me, and I’m here “standing quite still”, staring at it pass right through my eyes.
I may have depression, social anxiety (sociophobia), so I’m not good in talking to people, nor I can’t.
I don’t know what I like doing anymore, I’m always bored and tired.
I want to do things, but I don’t know what… It’s like everything I used to like now seem useless.
I’m a teenager. At the end of next year, I’ll try entering in a college. So I have only to the next year to do something “funny” before the “professional life” will actually begin.
I’m programming myself to change, I’m trying to change into someone who enjoys life.
I try enjoying life, but what is it? What’s enjoy life, what’s “Carpe Dien?” (seize the day)…
How can I enjoy something if I don’t know my likes and dislikes?
I feel numb… time is passing but I don’t feel it, I think I don’t feel nothing anymore…
I’m like a nobody occupying a niche… In school some people try talking to me… Since I got really “depressed” (about 2 years ago) I got antisocial and scared to talk to people. I had only one friend, and now he is away from me. I lost all my friends.
Now I’m trying to get them back, talk to people, but it’s really tough, and even doing that, I still I feel numb, and worthless, useless…
I have one last year in normal school, before study become work, and work becomes a reality, and “fun things” become “teenager silly stuffs, unacceptable to your age”.
I’ve never had a girlfriend, or even something similar.
I don’t know what is living…
I think for me it doesn’t matter if I’m alive or dead…
In any case, I feel like I’m a dead who is somehow living…
I began trying to change myself since a month ago. I got sick of all this, so since then I’m trying to do things I was scared to do before. Which means, get back my friends, talk to them, even though a Hi, and other few, small challenges but that’s not the point.
I try finding things that interest me, but I don’t know exactly how. So far I haven’t find a clue…
The only thing I actually enjoy doing is listening to musics from all over the world in many languages. Right now I’m listening to russian. So, I study languages as well, but I turned it into “work”, I got too worried about the work life, and so I found myself studying not more because it was fun, but because I had to, so I got bored , burned-out about it too, except the musics.
I feel after all, I’ll not even get a job, so… I’m destined to die all alone without having actually lived? I think this is my biggest fear… though I realize it happens everyday…
I see people who seems to be happy… traveling around the world, knowing new people, doing whatever they want to…
Why can’t I?
*** What would you do in such situation? ***
Please, please, don’t tell me “go to a doctor/counselor/therapy/talk to someone”, killing myself or anything similar, really.
Just try imagining yourself in such case, and if possible, try answering me by what would you do.
Just to be clear:
– I’m not suicidal, I don’t want, never tried and never will try to killing myself;
– I won’t go a doctor;
– I just want to find a meaning on life….
*Forgive my wrong english, my native language isn’t it.
Thanks for reading/answering.