Im a freshman in college in a big city. But its not a college friendly city. I feel like I literally have no friends. Im not a complete anti social person, its just that many friendships have drifted away. Especially since I dont live on campus (i live 25 min away by subway downtown in a university affiliated housing. It has like 1% of all the students at my college)
There was a group on facebook for my class. Literally all my close friends in the beginning of the year were from that facebook group (we chatted over the summer and stuff). Without that group, I would have had literally 0 friends the entire year.
My closest friend ever at this school was a guy named Steven. We got along so well and we were such great friends. So close to the point where we actually dated. Long story short it ended badly because he was horrible at communication. He was too immature to discuss a relationship, even though we literally in one. Just not officially. He never spoke to me again after i told him we were a mistake. (i said that because he was being a complete dick head to me and very rude) That was a little past the middle of september when we broke up
When I compare my life back in September, to now, its completely different. Back then I had such a busy social schedule. I was never ever alone. If I was alone, it was like for an hour or two max per day. Literally. I had people constantly texting me to hang out. I just had a solid group
No one really contacts me to see how im doing. I mean, I have one friend that contacts me a few times a week to eat meals with her and chat. Then I have another that contacts me like every other week or so to see how im doing, but other than that no. One girl who I thought i was close with, is now mainly a professional relationship. I am president of a club, and I am essentially her boss. So when we talk, its just about the organization and responsibilites.
My roommate is not mean, its just that we never talk.
Its just so lonely and isolating here. No one on my floor talks to me because of the breakup with Steven. Steven is the most popular guy on my floor, and they all side with him. This is such a terrible thing to say, but I feel like I could drop dead in my room, and no one would notice. I mean, literally no one on my floor has talked to me since last semester except for two people saying hello.
Its not like i have a huge problem with this lifestyle. I mean, its pretty productive because I have more time to devote to my extracurriculars and my non-profit job. But still, when I see like on facebook and stuff how social everyone is compared to me, its kinda depressing. Even just hearing Steven outside my door in the hall with his friends, and all the parties they have in his room make me feel a bit excluded.
I tried making plans with a “friend” (though clearly she aint my friend) for last thursday. At that point we had seen eachother ONCE since November. And that one time was just dinner for a half hour. So I texted her about plans. She said “sure thing. dinner thursday. text me thursday girl!” then i texted her on thursday at noon about dinner. She never responded. Ive given up. I just cant extend myself to these people anymore. (its not just that. she is friendly with Steven now, and ever since that she hasnt talked to me)
I feel like Steven is the queen bee, and im the complete opposite. He is so popular and everyone adores him. Boys and girls. Yet I definitely dont get that attention…