My parent was fired from her job 7 years ago. She worked little part time jobs at pubs, used up her savings, and borrowed money from anyone she could to support herself for a few years before she was eventually evicted and had to move in with some friends. About a year ago she started having trouble with her friends because she wouldn’t/couldn’t get anything more than a part time job earning barely more than $3.50 per hour + tips and not being able to pay her share of the bills. She was kicked out about 4 months ago and since I would not allow my mother to be homeless she moved in with us. We paid nearly $600 to have her belongings moved to storage out here and have been paying $150 per month for storage, $70 for her car insurance, not to mention the cost of food, power, and water since our bills have gone up. We have been barely getting by since she moved in and can barely afford to put any groceries into the house. Lets put it this way, our dogs are eating better than we are. I tried to make things a little less comfortable for her to encourage her wanting to get out on her own but it backfired. I started to buy less groceries (not that we could really afford them anyways but) and buy a few things for my fiancee and I to eat for lunch that I knew she did not like and would not eat but to solve that problem she went out and got food stamps and while she is putting a little bit of food in the kitchen I’ve noticed wrappers for things like honey buns and things like that in the trash can or on the coffee table that I know we didn’t buy but there is no box in sight which leads me to believe she is hoarding food in her room! (I don’t know for a fact but I’m not going into that over stuffed room to save my life, you can barely walk through it! It’s not dirty like filled with week old garbage but its just a small bedroom that she has crammed to capacity with a king sized bed, 3 dressers, a jewelry box, 2 free standing closets and nightstands. But even with all that furniture she has baskets stacked with laundry and cardboard boxes stacked on half of her bed filled with junk like books and magazines and pure crap. Seriously I didn’t think you could even fit that much stuff into this little bed room but I am beginning to think she is a hoarder.)
Since she moved in we have noticed things moving around, are being told how and when to do things, food vanishing much faster than it should be, the constant bickering that I should have bought this brand of soda because it is $.03 cheaper even though it tastes like a dog’s backside and mostly the lack of privacy for example when I left for work today I closed my bedroom door but when I got home for lunch the door was open and I know my fiancee left at the same time as me and hasn’t been home since. I’ve lost access to my own computer and barely get to use my tv after work. I just want to run through the house screaming MINE MINE MINE like a child!!!
She used to do the dishes every day and help keep the house picked up but that is steadily declining as well. She hasn’t had a single interview in the 4 months that she has been here and I began to worry that she was not trying to find a job at all. The past few days I began looking at the history on my computer and it is littered with nothing but facebook and dating sites with a job posting here or there every week or so. This morning she left a craigslist job add on the browser but when I clicked back it goes directly to facebook.
My fiancee and I are getting married in a couple months and I recently got an offer to move into a company paid home but I can not take her with me nor do I want to! I told her about the offer and mentioned that when she gets a job I’d be willing to help her with her costs if she takes over the lease of the place we are in now until she is able to fully support herself since we are not able to move until she is working but she didn’t respond at all. She simply just shrugged her shoulders and began flipping channels on my tv.
My fiancee is at her wits end with this and I am at a loss. I have no idea what to do with this situation or how to deal with her moving my things about and acting like she owns the place. How can I get her off her butt and into a job?
Categorized | Affiliate Marketing 101
What Can I Do About A Slacker Parent?
Posted on April 10, 2012.
Yikes! You’ve made it easy for her to slack off. Instead of taking this opportunity to get back on her feet, she’s taken advantage of your generosity.
I think you need to start looking for someone else to take over the lease of your apartment and let your mom know..you are going ahead with your plans to move, and so she needs to come up with a plan to move also.
Stop paying for her car insurance.Start buying groceries only as you need them..as per meal. Try to start hiding from her as you can see she is doing that with her food…sad I know, but desperate times call for desperate measures..lol
Tell her she needs to start selling her things because you can no longer afford to pay for storage. If she is at a point where she can not afford to hold onto her belongings..she must let them go or find a means in which to keep them because you are no longer willing to sacrifice as you have been..it has not helped the situation..only worsened it..because now all three of you are going without. It will be hard to do..but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Tell her you believe in her to turn her life around..if she needs to call on assistance on welfare or whatever…she just needs to do what she needs to do. I know this may be hard for you…but you area NOT responsible for your able bodied parent! You gave her the opportunity and she did not give it her best effort. Be done with this enabling her…it’s for her own good..she may be angry with you,but you are NOT in a position or have the resources to give her what she needs. She needs to seek elsewhere for the help she needs. If she needs to be retrained for a job…she needs to talk to the people who might better advise her..she is not the first nor will be the last woman of adult children to have to make a brand new start in a new direction..you can offer moral support but you are not financially sound enough to support her that way. She should understand your position. If she doesn’t she is being overly selfish and is not about to understand any time soon. Time will not improve the situation at all.
It’s good that you are moving…perfect excuse to get her moving on too.
If she is not above going to the food bank she is not above selling her belongings to survive and asking anyone she comes across for possible ideas or options…do her homework,basically.
I don’t know what else to say…you’ve done all you can…even to the point of going without yourself..so noone can blame you for putting an end to this free ride.This is not your fault. The guilt is the killer, I think. Keep it in perspective..you’ve done your part already. She needs to go.
so when you take this new offer you tell her tht you and your fiancee( remember you say it as its gonna be JUST THE TWO OF YOU) and that you ask her what she is going to do? tell her that you will help her out like send her money BUT ONLY WHAT YOU CAN and say that se has this much time to find a job
Repeat after me…”My responsibility now is to myself and my wife/fiance. I love you more than words can say, but I sacrifice the life I’ve worked hard for, and the woman I love, if you stay in our home. We’ve been here to help you out, but our time is limited for continuing to do so–it is already having an impact on our relationship. I am hoping to move into company housing soon, and at that time, I will no longer be able to keep you in our home. Even if I could, I don’t think that this is good for you, or our relationship. So, regardless, I need you to find a place to live within the next 2 months. I think you may be suffering from depression, mom, because I don’t know why else it would be taking you so long. So, we would like to help you with the cost of therapy, and will do so for the next 6 months, or as long as we can…but that is really all we can do right now.”
And when that time is up…so is your obligation. If she sits in the yard with her stuff, where you have to put it in 2 months, you are going to feel badly for her, to the point that it’s almost overwhelming. But this will be a temporary thing, where the worst possible thing that can happen is that the police tell her that she cannot live in your yard, and at that point, she will have to move on. From the sounds of it, she is not going to move on as long as she doesn’t have to…you are probably going to have to make it so that she has to.
Sorry that you are going through this. Best wishes.
I would just tell her that you need to have a serious talk with her. Tell her that you have been extremely generous in letting her live in your house, eat your food, use your shower, and she is doing nothing in return. Tell her once you move into the new house you will no longer be supporting her, and she has until then to get a job. I know times are hard but you have to do what you have to do. And there are jobs out there. Tell her ‘your parents raised you and I’m not going to also. get off your darn butt and get a job!!”