So here goes, my mess be patient please! 🙂
19 going on 20 my boyfriend of over a year wants to get married next year, The issue is we live 4 hours apart. I am away at school for nursing and he is an apprentice for a mechanic. We have known eachother since we where 15 our friends, family, and pastors are all behind us in getting married. Things just aren’t working though. I go home every 2 weeks for the weekend to see him and friends and family, but then I have to drive back to school on Sunday afternoon which is 4 hours away from his house (3 from our hometown) He really wants me to come back to town and go to our towns local college for their nursing program, but the school they are affiliated with is not a well known or a recognizable school. Option 2. The same school as the one in my town is located 1.5 hours away from my home town and affiliated with a recongizable school however this kinda impedes on his marriage idea because he wants to get married once I start my “summer break” in may or the first weekish of june. It;s really hard for him to see me and for us to cordinate everything Option 3. My best friends is going to the most recognized school in my province and I could go with her and room with her ( better than living in dorms) but still 3/4 hours away. Option 4. If I go to the school with my bff, then I can transfer the next semester to where my boyfriend will be doing trade school and we could be together (married some how because he wants to be married this spring remember) he would just have to be willing to move up towards my area for work.
See this is a mess, I would really appreciate some opinions that might work from adults. Mature adults I don’t want comments from people being tool’s about the situation.
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My Mess… Little Adult Advice Really Appreciated!!?
Posted on November 3, 2012.
if it was meant to be
it will happen.
Fools advice: Do whatever you have to do that is best for your education. Men come and go, even when we women plan on them being our ‘forever’.
I know how hard nursing school is. Hard is an understatement. Don’t let anything distract you.
Finish school as you are now. If he really wants to be with you, he will tough it out until you are done.
Can you convince him to wait a bit? He should understand. After all, you guys are only 19. That’s pretty young to marry nowadays. Once you are done with nursing school, all of these issues will be nonexistent. It’s also hard to concentrate on school and marriage at the same time. That’s the best option, but you shouldn’t neglect school and go with the lesser option. What if something happened and you guys didn’t get married? You’d have to be on your own, and you’d want the extra boost from a well known school.
I read it 3X and I will say, you use a lot of language that makes me think HE is the one pushing for marriage and trying to move you closer. You are very young still and I know there has to be a lot of pressure on you by everyone you listed but I would wait! Please take this one piece of advice if nothing else- Go to school at the best school for your education and degree. Do what is right for your future career. If he is meant to be in your life, he will work with you to see you and be with you! Why doesn’t he ever make the drive out to see you at school? 4 hours drive, not THAT bad that he cannot make the drive at night say on a Friday night after work, stay Saturday and come home the next morning! That would be possible with just one day off work! I don’t hear any word of this happening in your story. It sounds very one sided with him wanting to get married at a set time and expecting to see you at certain times but you need to start being more demanding of your needs too. I was in a situation like yours when I was 20 and I was so excited because I finally got an apartment with a roommate. My bf at the time and I had visions of playing house now that I had my own place LOL.. But very quickly I realized how much I loved this freedom and being close to family, and how suffocated he made me feel. Within 2 months I was trying to find ways to spend less time with him and nicely push him away, but it ended up in a messy breakup with him crying that he wanted to marry me and him acting like a sad crying puppy (unattractive too!).. I’m not saying this is gonna happen but I am saying this is how young minds tend to work and you need to examine your own feelings before you make a jump like this. And just remember that if it’s meant to be, it will work out.
i think you guys should seriously wait until planning a wedding & being married won’t carry all that stress. planning a wedding that’s small & simple doesn’t take long, but it does require being together to work out the details. if you’re going to have a large wedding, you absolutely can’t do it some 4 hours apart or taking it on during short weekends (unless you’re hiring somebody else to do all that for you). if you’re going to do well in nursing school, you need to be able to focus. there’s SO much to learn. how can you do that & get good enough grades to motivate a hospital/office to hire you if you’re up to your eyeballs in wedding plans at the same time? he’s working as an apprentice & should focus on that so he can get a regular job as a mechanic. the wedding belongs to both of you…. if one of you forces the other to handle things, then that person will likely lose out on a dream job or will have to settle for employment that’s not as satisfying. not good to start a marriage with that kind of “early” resentment. my advice is to wait until at least one of you has finished what you’re doing. either you finish nursing school & land a job or he finishes apprenticeship & lands a job. another thing to consider… at the moment, neither one of you has any idea where you’re going to be working. have you guys talked about that? nursing jobs may or may not be open where your hometown is. if you get really good grades, you can apply for work anywhere you want. where do you want to live? when your fiance finishes his training, is he going to work for that same shop? or get a job someplace else? explore options on where you want to live. that can be a fun thing to do on your weekends. when you look at a city, check out the options available for where you both will likely have to apply for work. i think you’ll both have big regrets if you marry now (next spring or summer) when you both won’t really be ready. i’ve been married 26 yrs now (second marriage). the first one didn’t make it to the 3rd anniversary & moving was one of our issues. it wasn’t the biggest, but it was one of the problems. you & your fiance will have to agree on the big projects such as where to live, where to work (both of you will need to be sure the city you choose has something for both), schools for future kids, etc. if you want to stay in your current hometown, make sure that area has what you both need in order to make your education worthwhile.
I think you’re boyfriend needs to CHILL OUT. you are young. it’s a bit quick to get married ‘this summer’. . . .I would do option 2 or 3. If he really loves you he can wait. Tell him you love him but want to wait a little bit. He should be understanding.
answer mine please –
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aveg3JASdmQdNEW_Vh9eq6Pty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20121102134805AAZdCqZ
Honey, I realize you’ve already heard it umpteen times in your answers, BUT they are the truth. You ARE BOTH young. Have your whole lives ahead of you. Your futures are the very most important aspects of your lives, even if you end up marrying or don’t. My adult Daughter is young. She’s 54, has been an RN in county mental institutions for 30 yrs. now. She is facing retirement in just a few yrs. at her young age. She did EVERYTHING possible to work for & get her RN degree. It’s paid off well for she & her husband. Makes good money, does supervisory positions. YOUR career comes FIRST at your age. This you’ll need for the rest of your life. Nursing & teaching are the very BEST careers, they will ALWAYS be in demand. Regardless of what “he” wants, when he wants, honey you MUST do what’s BEST for YOU. Somehow he MUST understand this FACT as it is. Tell him like it is. Say what you mean, mean what you say, let him know you MUST do what’s best for you & your career at this time. You MUST do it. IF he doesn’t understand, agree with it, he does not have his priorities straight. I personally feel you’re marrying too young as it is. I too married 2 wks. after I turned 19., him 21. Neither of us dated prior. Had 2 unplanned babies the first 2 yrs. of marriage. Got bored with each other after 3 yrs. both cheated on each other. Our marriage ended at 4 yrs. NO ONE could tell us differently. We “knew” it all. The children are the ones who suffered, still suffering because of it, because of the wrong choices I made throughout the yrs. You MUST make sure you KNOW what’s the very best for you. regardless of what others say. Do NOT ruin a great career just for the sake of holding things off for only a tiny yr. or so of your lives. It’s NOT worth it. Take it from someone who knows far too well so many of the aspects you’re contemplating. They CAN wait & not hurt a thing. IF you’re meant to be together, nothing will stop that. Think seriously & sensibly & stick to your convictions you will not regret. Do what you KNOW you MUST DO. When we do things rite, they work out rite. Otherwise we pay dearly for them. Sit down, write it all down, the pros the cons. Present them to him, let him know these ARE YOUR choices & you’ll find a way to work around them. You will NOT regret it, honey. It ALL WILL pay off in the end. Think it ALL over & see if it doesn’t make logical sense to you – & DO IT regardless….all the best to you, honey…:)