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My husband and I have been together (living together) for 5 years and have been married a bit under a year. We are full partners, love each other deeply, and couldn’t be more happy. Except for one thing. We both want a baby, super badly. But there are layers to this problem, this biggest being the age gap between my us. I am 23. My husband is 39. This does not and has not ever bothered us. We are great together. The thing is, that if I were married to a younger man, I think I would probably put off having a child for a bit longer. I will be graduating in the fall with a BFA in studio art. I wish very much to become an illustrator (children’s books). But my husband already knows that he will be an “old dad”, especially compared to me. To add another layer (!), he was previously married, and had a child…for a few hours. The baby died hours after being born, and if anything, this strengthened the intensity of his desire to be a father. He lost that little boy, and I would do anything to give him a child to love. But I’m afraid. I’ve heard everything from “there’s no right time to have a baby, you just do it” to “if you have a baby, kiss your dreams goodbye!”. Not to mention that I am a feminist, and I feel that I will be seen as stupid for choosing to have a child at a young age before establishing my career. We aren’t rich. He is currently building a small business that is gaining attention in a niche market as well as attempting to enter law school and become a child and youth advocate in the court systems. We both for minimum wage to put ourselves through school. But, again, I’ve heard that if you wait for the “right” time financially to have a child, you’ll never feel safe doing it. But, the pressure is on due to my husband’s age, and I want a family with him very badly. I’m a born researcher. I have looked into birthing plans, expenses, parenting techniques. I am not the sort to go into something wimbly-nimbly.
So I guess I just need opinions from experienced parents. Yes, I would like to have a perfect salary, home, career, etc… before having a child. But I also know that that might take a decade that frankly, my husband does not have to give, to achieve those goals. And we both come from poor family backgrounds, so at least we know it can be done. We will be the first college graduates from our families. We are striving for the lives our parents did not have. So yeah. Opinions?
Bonus: Any considerations of parenthood that you wished you’d known before becoming a parent?