My friends are all scholars from UC schools, one from Caltech, and my boyfriend is graduating with honors this week. The people I hang with are ridiculously intelligent and I admire them greatly. One is getting his PhD, another has a really fancy job, and another is studying engineering. And I’m only on my second year at a community college, studying nursing with A’s, B’s, and a couple C’s (forget USC or UCLA after those two C’s).
I feel sort of inadequate. I really look at this group as my main circle of friends. They’ve been so inclusive of me, but the reality is that they are all far more educated than I am. That shouldn’t matter so much, but sometimes I feel left out. They tell me I’m the good looker of the group and have the most charisma, and that’s my niche. My boyfriend says I have incredible empathy and kindness. But I feel like the commoner among the elite. One of my friends pushed me to sign up to double major and to get A’s so that I could go to USC and explore more options. But you know what, I tried and it just hurt my GPA and I felt lost. When I decided to just focus on the nursing, I felt like I was back on track and the future was clear.
I used to do creative stuff like photoshop, and I did graphic design for small businesses, I even have done a bit of freelance editing for actors to try and expand my repertoire. But in the end, I didn’t excel, and I just feel like I’m just your average guy who likes taking care of people and living a little more simplistically with average goals. I just want to be average old me. Never was the brightest, but always smart. Good grades, but not amazing. But a lot of appreciation for life, and a sometimes a bit creative. Always there for others, and always trying to be moral and good. Nursing just makes sense for me. I doubt they judge, but I feel like… I wish I could be like them, I suppose. Well, how do I deal with these feelings of being “less”? Is it okay to just want to be a nurse. Thanks for reading! I know this was rather long, but it was from the heart.