Affiliate Marketing Secrets

Please help me to point out the positives and negatives of my essay. Be honest and harsh if necessary.
The ____’s are places where I am still trying to come up with something to say.
I’m still concerned about these things:
– Grammar
– Fluidity
– Content
– How it transitions from the first to second paragraph seems funky
– How to effectively continue – the main purpose is supposed to be the challenges of being an entrepreneur at 16
and just my transitions in general…
Ever since my childhood, I have always been passionate about art, in all of its versatile and varying forms. From the days I spent teaching myself how to braid hair at the age of five so that I could practice creative hairstyles on my grandmother, to the hours I spent awestruck in front of a glowing computer screen designing birthday cards for my friends in elementary school, this certain passion of mine had grown immensely at such a young age. However, like all the other children at that time, I dreamt of becoming something extraordinary, like an astronaut, an archaeologist, or a part of the FBI. It wasn’t until the very beginning of my teenage years that I realized that the only thing that had been with me throughout my entire life was art. Amidst all of my peaks and valleys, it had always been there in the forefront of my life. So I pursued it.
By the time I was twelve, I found my true calling, my niche in the art world. Graphic design. It was the perfect combination of my love for all mediums of art and my growing appreciation for computers and the digital age.
During the summer between my junior and senior years of high school, I combined my ever prevalent passion for art, my inordinate thirst for knowledge, and my intensifying curiosity of “the real world”. I became an entrepreneur at the age of sixteen.
Sixteen was a ____ time of my life. It was a time where I _____. At sixteen, I learned how to drive. At sixteen, I became the editor of my high school’s yearbook. At sixteen, I started my own graphic and web design business, Beauxlent. At sixteen, I turned this challenge into an opportunity.

Just need a little more to go off of for my essay

I want to transfer to a college back in my hometown. I used the common app and the topic was “Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.”
Please give some feedback here is the essay:
I graduated from Oyster River High School on June 10, 2011. As soon as early August came around I turned eighteen and moved out to California to pursue my career in acting. Education has always been important to me so I knew before I moved out I had to enroll. By August 25th, I found an apartment, bought a car, and began taking classes at Glendale Community College as a full time student. I created my school schedule accordingly so that I would have time for acting classes, auditions, and meetings with my agent. I’ve been taking care of myself financially without the help from parents or any other relative because I enjoy being independent and on my own.
I’ve been an actor since the age of five. I remember booking my first national commercial and shortly fell in love with acting and film. I’ve worked on many movies and commercials while doing some theater on the side. I created my own website and joined the SAG and AFRTA union affiliations after booking two national commercials and a PBS kids show called “Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman.” I filmed twenty episodes over the course of a few months. Throughout high school I was very busy driving down to Boston and occasionally flying out to Los Angeles and New York for interviews and auditions.
I did a lot volunteer work that was usually during school and required me to fly out of state. For jobs that were union affiliated there was a set teacher present. For jobs that were not involved with the union including college indie films and volunteer work, a set teacher was not present. It was hard to keep up with school work but I was getting educated outside of school with something I loved to do. Senior year I decided to take a break from acting to focus on school and raising my GPA. The first semester of senior year I made high honors and was on the varsity tennis team. It was difficult to raise because GPA is included in all three previous years of high school of which I was more focused on acting. I plan to put education and academics at the top of my priority list because I want to become a University educated actor.
I plan on transferring to a university, specifically Plymouth State, after completing this semester at Glendale college. A few weeks ago I flew back to New Hampshire and visited your campus for a few days and loved it! It’s so beautiful. The ambiance on campus is incredible. Being on campus made me realize that I want to take a break from acting and attend a university. Acting will always be there. After graduating I plan to return to California and continue with acting only this time with a college degree in business. Acting is business of which you have to sell and market yourself. I have real world experience in business and marketing which brought to my attention that business is what I plan to major in. Plymouth State is known to be strong in business and performing arts which fits my needs perfectly.  

Thomas Malthus’s 1798 work, Essay on the Principle of Population, greatly influenced Darwin. Which of the following statements best summarizes Malthus’s idea?
A) Animals are able to pass to their offspring characteristics that were acquired in their lifetimes.
B) Individuals that can run faster are more likely to survive and pass their genes to the next generation.
C) Isolated populations of organisms, such as Darwin’s finches on the Galápagos Islands, tend to differentiate into new species to fill different niches.
D) The size of human populations, like animal populations, is directly determined by the carrying capacity of the environment.
E) People reproduce much more quickly than their resources do. This results in competition for food and space, and in suffering and death.

Thomas Malthus’s 1798 work, Essay on the Principle of Population, greatly influenced Darwin. Which of the following statements best summarizes Malthus’s idea?
A) Animals are able to pass to their offspring characteristics that were acquired in their lifetimes.
B) Individuals that can run faster are more likely to survive and pass their genes to the next generation.
C) Isolated populations of organisms, such as Darwin’s finches on the Galápagos Islands, tend to differentiate into new species to fill different niches.
D) The size of human populations, like animal populations, is directly determined by the carrying capacity of the environment.
E) People reproduce much more quickly than their resources do. This results in competition for food and space, and in suffering and death.

in science we have to write a final essay describing life on earth. here are the directions:
Write an essay describing life on earth. Which are the first organisms to appear? How are later organisms able to evolve? In what order did they appear? How are they different? Please use the following words in your essay
Algae
Amphibian
Angiosperm
Annelid (Segmented worm)
Arthropod
Asexual reproduction
Bacteria
Biome
Bird
Cell
Charles Darwin
Chordate
Classification
Cnidarian
Cold Blooded
Competition
Consumer
Echinoderm
Environment
Evolution
Fish
Flatworm
Gene
Gymnosperm
Insect
Invertebrate
Mammal
Molecule
Mollusk
Moneran
Natural selection
Niche
Nonvascular plant
Nucleus
Ocean
Organ
Organism
Organ system
Population
Producer
Protist
Reptile
Roundworm
Sexual reproduction
Species
Tissue
Vascular plant
Vertebrate
Virus
Warm blooded