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Okay, so I’m going to give a whole lowdown on my spiritual bind that I’m for whoever cares to listen and help me out. I don’t know what to do and am being pressured from different sides in terms of religion.
My mom was Jewish and I went to a Jewish Sunday school until around 4th grade, though I was never particularly religious. 4 years ago when I was in 6th grade, my mom died from a long battle with cancer and my sister converted to Christianity not long before that. My dad is not very religious though he comes from a Catholic family.
I went a handful of times to Church over about two years following my mom’s death because my sister wanted me to. After that I stopped going because it felt exactly like my old Jewish Sunday school, where whatever religious talk the preachers/rabbis/whatever said was accepted by all, only this time they were also preaching about Jesus. This made me feel weird about it, and gave me a sense that it wasn’t totally genuine (this Church is apparently the best church in the area that I live in, Dallas).
I never really got explanation or anything over why the teachings I was given in Church about Jesus and whatnot were true as opposed to what I learned being brought up Jewish, or vice versa. To put it really simply, I was just expected to accept whatever I was told.
This caused me to think a lot about religion and god and the nature of all that. I mean whose to say that either side is right? They both are apparently speaking the word of God. It seemed like a question with no answer.
As I pondered the question, I started looking at man’s history of religion in general, at evolution, at a history of polytheism in all parts of the world, that only converted after they were forced to when conquered by a monotheistic culture. I decided not to affiliate myself with anyone, and remain agnostic.
I am open to the possibility of God giving me a sign, or someone showing me the light, but I just have yet to see any such signs.
Over Christmas, however, my Grandmother, who is admittedly very controlling and opinionated (very much like Lucille from Arrested Development if you watch that show :/), told me that her only wish before she dies is to see me baptized. I know she means well, but I also think it was not her place to say that. Nonetheless, it’s made me feel very guilty the more I thought about it, which I kind of think was her intention.
I don’t feel any connection with any religion at the moment. I’ve been to Church and I’ve been to Synagogue. None of it feels right to me. I don’t really know what to do. If God came down and gave me a sign I’d be open to it, as would I if someone truly enlightened me or something, but until then I’m stuck sitting here feeling guilty and conflicted.
If you’ve read this far I thank you so much, and I would appreciate some advice on the matter. I’d love to know what you think or what you’d do if you were me, or anything really.

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