Affiliate Marketing Secrets

hello, Yahoo’ers, I have to make a presentation for my French class and i have this task, but I don’t get it anymore since I find French to be hard, so i need to have 1 good mark for French and then I can drop the whole class, so could someone translate this to good French
(yes, i know i won’t learn anything from this but I will drop the whole class anyway)
NO GOOGLE TRANSLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks in advance, here is the text:
Coca-Cola is a popular soft drink, it plays a big role in our culture due it’s wide availability, there is a 98% chance that it is available at the nearest shop. Coca-Cola is available in every country in the world with the exception of Cuba, North-Korea, Sudan, Iran and Burma. Coca-Cola is known for containing lots of sugar and due it’s symbolism of America and pairing together with fast-food it is also widely known for being junk-food and a drink for fat people. Nobody knows what Coca-Cola contains exactly, but it is known that it contains: caffeine, sugar, carbonated water and caramel but the exact composition and recipe remains secret. only 5 people in the world know the recipe and they never travel together to increase the chance that they won’t die all at the same time. Some people say it’s secret to remain the head of the market while others say it’s secret because of disturbing contents that is might hold.

Requirements/desires:
~ low calorie. less than 100 per serving really appreciated…
~ zero-low fat. 0 trans fat no exceptions. 0 sat fat appreciated too.
~ zero-low carb
~ zero- low sodium (very important!)
~ zero-low sugar
~ minimal ingredients,
~ meat, dairy, gluten, soy, peanut free (NO EXCEPTIONS) corn free please too…
~ not addictive tasting (dont want to risk binging)
~ low-glycemic index
————————————–…
example of a near perfect junk food would be ore-ida hash browns.
I uploaded a picture of the nutrition facts:
http://i56.tinypic.com/2d2dm3s.jpg (If it was lower carb it would be perfect!)
ore ida hash browns would be my frozen junk food of choice for the reasons listed above…however, sometimes I don’t have access to a stove, which is why i’m looking for a ready made snack that I don’t have to cook or store…
. Im blessed with ibs among other inconvenient health problems..
pleaseeeee dont answer: “apple slices or carrots are a great on the go snack!” or “junk food is bad” thanks i know.
I’m working with a dietitian, food allergist, gastroenterologist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, psychologist, and a doc that practices integrative medicine. not hypochondriac, just dealt a wild deck of cards.
im vegetarian and educated. im aware that potato chips are not good for you.
please dont ask me “why cant you snack on something healthy?” why is that important? just answer 🙂 I do eat organic produce WHEN I can.
Also, I eat regular meals throughout the day…Whatever you recommend is a SNACK, it is not my daily nutritional needs.
really not a big fan of products with corn for more reasons than my stomach not agreeing with it (agricultural bullshit) even tho i do like popcorn.
i’ll pass on nuts too
Along with gluten intolerance, I can’t handle oats either, so any type of grains I eat is always rice or potato based, never wheat or corn…
I prefer snacks that are thicker vs thin. example: Ruffles vs lays. (like to take more time to chew each bite)
My fav chips are utz crab and Kettles spicy thai. too bad spicy foods can mess with me sometimes too. LAME… but plain is the way to go i guess
I really hope you enjoyed my novel. If you made it this far, then I seriously thank you from the bottom of my heart. It’s an overwhelming a lot of rules to keep in mind but it’s kind of necessary.
also if for any reason you didn’t want to post an answer here, you can click on my profile and just email me 🙂
Here are my questions:
1. What packaged food would be perfect for me if my selection for purchase was limited too:
a. gas station/corner store
b. grocery store
c. whole foods
d. trader joes
3. What other Question and Answer sites do you know of where I could post this question again?
4. What websites besides sparkpeople.com have forums dedicated to healthy living and nutrition where I could post this question?
5. what exactly are the last two ingredients listed in the nutrition facts of the ore ida hash browns
6. what other frozen foods like ore-ida hash browns do you know of?

I think that’s what it’s called.
The story is set in a future where junk food is illegal, and the main character buys it off the black-market. Describing the secret sauce running down his chin, etc…
Yahoo came up with nothing, gonna try Google.