Affiliate Marketing Secrets

I will admit that the problem I will list out here is a “first-world problem,” but hear me out please. Some advice would be really helpful.
I went to college, got my bachelors/masters (along with lots of loans that I’ve now started to pay off), and entered a good career field. I like my profession and the versatility and the fact that I can pick up and go almost anywhere with it. At the moment, I am living in the city where I went to college, but have no idea what I’m going to do for my future. I’m not sure if I want to stay here. I have zero family here, and many of the friends that I made in college moved away after graduation. I have a few friends left, or should I say, acquaintances that I sometimes hang out with. I will admit I keep an emotional distance from people and that that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t formed close friendships in this city. Basically, I have nothing really holding me here except my job and my comfort zone. After all, I’ve been here six years in total, and have a good network. But where do I go from here? As it stands, all I have going in my life is my career. My immediate family lives about 4 hours away and I visit sometimes but my step-dad and I do not get along, so I don’t visit as often as I would like. Sometiems, I just feel really alone. All my co-workers have some kind of “base” here – family, significant others, etc. If I had that, I would be more at peace and more stable. I’m at an age where I should be thinking about settling down (I’m 23), but how can I do that if I haven’t found my niche? I feel so alone sometimes. I’m not sure what to do.
Any thoughts on someone going through a “quarter-life crisis”? Not sure if that’s what I’m experiencing but I’m sure as hell at a roadblock right now with regard to where I want my life to go. Lack of family/boyfriend/close friends in my area also makes me more restless.

I’m having some trouble with some biology homework at the moment!
So please help!
It would also be a help if you can help me with the following question as well!
-Describe the niche occupied by malathion
Thank you!

The market was a bustle of life. People in stalls were selling or trading, and those walking on the street were carrying purses full of coins just waiting to be spent. There was no room to walk, no room to breathe, and guards scoured the area with their watchful eyes. This was the market of Tanis, the capital city of Actea, taking place every year in the five days leading up to Midsummer’s Day. Hundreds of people from throughout Actea travelled here, to sell, buy and trade.
What the people didn’t know was that their prince was among them. In disguise, the prince Arrow would come here every year, and find a way to destroy someone’s fun. At this very moment, the prince was casually eating a mango that he had stolen from a family from the south.
Suddenly, someone’s hand latched itself onto Arrow’s arm. He tried to pull away, but the tiny fingers wouldn’t budge. He felt himself being pulled to the left, but there were so many people there he couldn’t tell who it was. The hand that grasped him belonged to a child, but someone with extraordinary strength. Trying to pry free from the grip, Arrow tried to pull away, but the person wouldn’t budge.
In a few moments, Arrow found himself in an alleyway, and the hand belonged to a girl – she appeared to be about five or six years old. She was small, delicate looking, but beautiful. Her dark hair reached her hips, and her eyes were astoundingly big – but they were a milky white – no iris, no pupil. Whether she was blind or not, Arrow couldn’t tell, but he was wondering why she had pulled him away. Was she a messenger of the spirits?
“What do you want?” Arrow hissed.
She did not answer, but merely gripped him tighter. After a few seconds of silence, she began to speak. Her voice was very soft, yet she sounded a lot older than she should have – not the voice of an adult, but at least as mature as eleven or twelve. “I know your secrets, my prince. I know your future. That which you fear will one day become your saviour, and those you trust will become your enemies. You will fall in love with the girl with the green eyes, but she will be torn away from you the moment you declare your love. You will one day leave this country, never to return…” She closed her eyes, and slowly let go of him, stepping back into the shadows.
“One more thing… there will be a battle in your future, but the bigger battle will be the one inside of you. Beware that you do not become that which you will try so hard to prevent. Don’t become the villain.”
Sorry I know it’s kind of long. I’m fourteen, if it matters… Also, can anyone think of a better name for the protagonist? I’m not as keen on “Arrow” as I was a while ago (it’s just a nickname, because he’s a champion at archery, but he has no real name that is mentioned)

From the moment you walk down the halls on your first day, it begins. The pressure consumes you, swallows you. Immediately it’s all about making friends, fitting in, and finding your niche. Already cliché cliques are forming: the jocks, the snobs, the mathletes, the stoners, and the notorious couch potatoes. One must define his or herself or face being defined by others. We categorize ourselves into one of these and conform to what society expects. Fearful of rejection, we stay comfortably within these expectations and boundaries. It usually goes a little like this: if you are a member of Assiteens Charity League your freshman year you are deemed a goodie-two-shoes, if you start on the varsity soccer team your sophomore year you are thought of as a jock, if you still go to church every Sunday by junior year you are a bible banger, if you actually do homework senior year you are officially a nerd. If I have learned one thing in my 4 years, it is that by allowing yourself to be classified and limited to only one of these clichés you have killed your true self. Conformity only limits your potential, shadows your ability, and narrows your opportunities.
When I came to this realization, I allowed myself to broaden my interests, increase my confidence, and discover my true self. I have defied the pressure, the clichés, and the expectations of others. I am proud to be an athletic, spiritual, and philanthropic nerd.

I’ve looked through some of the extensions that come up when I search for “affiliate”, but so far the pretty much all seem to be for displaying affiliate advertising. I’m not an expert, but am reasonably able in Joomla, and need to find a fairly simple extension for creating a one-level affiliate program.
I know I could probably do this with PHP, but that’s well above my grade at the moment (and I have no plan to reach that level of expertise). Ideally, I’d like an extension that works well with one of the simple store/shopping cart extensions, so I can easily track purchases through affiliate advertising.

I’m a college student, I’m actively looking for a job and only have $1400 worth of assets. I can invest a maximum of $200 at this moment. How do I become rich because I hate work, hate school, hate the prospect of life as a wage slave, love money. I want a sustainable income with this.
Oh and for everyone who wants to spam me: I HAVE tried affiliate marketing, freelancing, and what not. I HAVE made about $300 off of that. THAT IS BARELY ANYTHING!