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Help With An Nrotc Personal Essay?


My Navy Recruiter suggested that I apply for an NROTC scholarship, and one of the requirements are two personal essays, one of which I’ve made some progress with.
The first one is “Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Naval Officer”
To which I said:
“My stepfather, who retired as an E-6 in the Air Force, once explained to me what it took to become an officer. He told me that it goes beyond Honor, Courage, and Commitment. Becoming an officer requires all of those, but it also requires becoming a role model—a leader. He went on to explain that a leader isn’t just someone who tells people what to do and how to do it, but that a leader is someone who earns the right to do so by gaining the respect of their fellow man.
The best way to earn the right to lead, he said, is through hard work and perseverance. No man, or woman, ever became a great leader by sitting back and watching others work. A leader has to be there beside their men. They have to share their pain if they ever hope to earn their loyalty.
Being a leader is even more than that, though. It also takes initiative; the ability to step up and take on the role of responsibility. This doesn’t necessarily mean volunteering one’s self, but rather being willing to take up the post when the need arises.
In my life, and especially in recent years, I’ve pushed myself to exhibit all of these qualities. I treat all my peers as equal, respecting their wishes and boundaries rather than trying to bully my way around them. Additionally, I’ve never been one to stand back and watch while the people around me work: I can always be found right next to people working, either helping them accomplish their task, or simply lessening their burden as much as I can. And while I’m willing to follow behind someone, I’m also ready and able to take on whatever role I am required to fill.
My father, an E-4 in the Marine Corps, told me never to stop at “good enough.” When I was younger, I resented it, because I had always thought that I could get by with the minimum effort. But as time passed, I discovered that “good enough” is a meaningless phrase. People who scrape by with phrases like “good enough” and “I’ve done enough” never reach their full potential. And when I realized this, I realized that I didn’t want to be just “good enough.” To me, that would be the same as being mediocre.
It was after this realization that I decided I didn’t have much interest in attending college as a civilian. I didn’t want to finish my schooling, only to discover that my chosen major led to a career of no real significance in the grand scheme of things. I’m the sort of person that wants to impact their community—their world—on a much larger scale than simply filling a niche. And so after much thought and discussion, I went to my local recruitment office, and made the decision to join the Navy.
As I’ve worked through high school and waited anxiously for graduation, and for my ship date to arrive, I’ve discovered something about myself: I’ll never be content to stop at Enlistee. The average soldier will make an impact on their world, of this there is no doubt. But I decided long ago that while serving my nation is my calling, if I’m to become the best I can be, I need to push myself as far as I possibly can.
By commissioning, I believe that I can reach my full potential in ways that I otherwise could not. Basic training will push my physical and emotional limits; officer school will push my mental limits. Both are needed if I’m to mold myself into the soldier that I dream of becoming; they will instill in me the discipline, the wisdom, and the courage needed to become a true leader.
Joining the Navy was the first step on my road to success. Basic training will be the next, and officer’s school after that. In my eyes, there are no shortcuts or half-efforts; I will go the distance, however long it takes me to get there.”

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