Affiliate Marketing Secrets

hello, Yahoo’ers, I have to make a presentation for my French class and i have this task, but I don’t get it anymore since I find French to be hard, so i need to have 1 good mark for French and then I can drop the whole class, so could someone translate this to good French
(yes, i know i won’t learn anything from this but I will drop the whole class anyway)
NO GOOGLE TRANSLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks in advance, here is the text:
Coca-Cola is a popular soft drink, it plays a big role in our culture due it’s wide availability, there is a 98% chance that it is available at the nearest shop. Coca-Cola is available in every country in the world with the exception of Cuba, North-Korea, Sudan, Iran and Burma. Coca-Cola is known for containing lots of sugar and due it’s symbolism of America and pairing together with fast-food it is also widely known for being junk-food and a drink for fat people. Nobody knows what Coca-Cola contains exactly, but it is known that it contains: caffeine, sugar, carbonated water and caramel but the exact composition and recipe remains secret. only 5 people in the world know the recipe and they never travel together to increase the chance that they won’t die all at the same time. Some people say it’s secret to remain the head of the market while others say it’s secret because of disturbing contents that is might hold.

so its like me and my buddy was sitting the other day and was thinking its like north korea best place to legalize the weed plant because its like perfect, so it go a little like this..
1 ) they can rub it in the face of usa and the euro trash, the next time one of those annoying humans rights fellas brings up north korea they can say we can smoke weed how about you scum!
2 ) everybody gonna be happy, the fellas there just way to stressed out and depressed, its like mass attitude adjustment at little risk and very low production cost
3 ) its good economy, all the product that can made out of it, its like, it can be their niche in the world
so as you can see this is well though out very clever idea
i rested my case
so what you folks think about this? should we send ambassador to NK with the great news?

to COMI CHINA and creating the shrinking tax base
http://www.uschamber.com/about/board/thomas-j-donohue
Over A Million Jobs Lost In Districts Where Pro-Outsourcing Chamber Advertises
the Chamber fundraises from foreign corporations: (1) An internal fundraising program called “Business Councils” used to solicit direct, largely foreign contributions to the Chamber, (2) Direct contributions from foreign multinationals like BP, Siemens, and Shell Oil, and (3) From the Chamber’s network of AmCham affiliates, which are foreign Kingdom of Bahrain, India, North Korea & Iran