Affiliate Marketing Secrets

Crucicentrism-a sect of Evangelical Fundamentalists, who base their teachings purely on the Last Judgment and thoroughly believe that good people will become Angels and sinners will become devils and both will fight in the Last Days. The Crucicentrists have an air for drama, playing out their beliefs in plays, and practice Bibliolatry (bible worshiping) and Bibliomancy (divining through the bible. They do not believe in sainthood or priesthood, but ‘angel-hood’. Every Halloween, they go to their Church and preach about the punishments in Hell and adorn their Church basement as a hell with stereotypical demons punishing sinners with pitchforks and fire. They deem snakes as evil, Catholics as pagans, Baptists/Methodists/Mormons/Lutherans/Ep… as heretics, Satanists as child-killers and evil, Wiccans and Pagans as satanists, Jews/Homosexuals/Atheists as misguided fools, Muslims as evil etc. They also condemn Shakespeare and are in favor of Prohibition, Revivalism, Bible literalism, Biblical inerrancy and authority, Creationism and Intelligent Design. They also runs a ministry called the Covenant of Restoration; where it supports chiliasm, eschatology, dispensationalism, premillennialism and saving souls. Another Ministry called Army of Innocents, includes young and older children to take their faith seriously and prepare them for ‘spiritual warfare’ and teaches them to defy secularism and liberalism. Crucicentrists also believe in Spiritual Gifts such as speaking in tongues and prophecy.
Zenithism-a sect of conservative Evangelism mixed with hardcore Politics. They are in favor of Americanism, Jingoism, Nationalism, Patriotism, Capitalism, Commercialism, Televangelism, and Consumerism. They are also sports fanatics, and fight against racial discrimination, although they do have used derogatory words as ‘compliments’.
Adamianism-a sect of Marketing and conservative Calvinists who support and advocate and live by Patriarchy, Patriocentricity, Androcentrism, Antifeminism, Dominionism, Providentialism, and Classism. They like to sugarcoat the past as it were peaceful and family-friendly before feminism or gay rights or the like. They dream of living an upper class 1950s/Frontier/Colonial society. They believe women should be homemakers and mothers and must be under the protection of their father or husband. They believe women should be cherished and protected as a ‘delicate flower’ but she must not get a job or go to college or even have authority over a man.
Cainism-A dark and shady religious sect that worships the biblical Cain as a god. The faith consists of antinomianism, maltheism, gnosticism and reincarnation. They believed in ultimate chaos, that paradise is an evil illusion, and that all humans are truly gods and should be free to do as they please. However, years of being hunted and tortured by outsiders, the followers remained true to the faith and have performed secret rituals; drinking the blood of aborted fetuses of both human and animal, offering fruits and vegetations as sacrifices, fasting, and bathing in the blood of ‘siblings’. The flock participated in libertinism, but the clergy follow a strict code of celibacy. Their sacred text is the Gospel of Judas. The clergy also possess a form of psychic power.
Reasonism-a group of Misotheists, Dystheists and Antitheists. They are humanistic but wholly anthropocentric. They ridicule anything spiritual or supernatural, and regard fairy tales and fantasy as childish, immature and useless for children when they should be learning grown up stuff.
Sardanapalism-A philosophical sect of pleasure-seeking, self-gratifying ideas and beliefs. The philosophy started out good but future generations have stained it with decadence. Its ethics seems similar to Pyrrhonism, Hedonism and Sybaritism. The followers live lives of total apathy, sensuality, luxuriousness and festivity.

Let’s start at 5:00pm, an hour before the 2nd Coming of Christ and the Judgment of All Mankind is scheduled to occur, according to his brilliant numerology:
5:00pm = Everyone gets into their Sunday Best and goes to Chur- um…I mean, random parking lots and community centers all over the world to dance around singing “Hallelujah.Hallelujah.”
5:30pm = Last meal before the Rapture, funds are kind of tight so everyone will have to settle for Franks and Beans in the western hemisphere and just beans everywhere else. “Close your eyes and imagine it’s a juicy Thanksgiving Turkey, like the Israelites ate of the Mannah!” Camping will say.
5:59pm : Arms raised, hands joined with white knuckles, lots of crying and speaking in tongues…aaaaaaaaannnndddd…
6:05pm: ….arms getting tired… lots of people sneaking peeks at their wristwatches and pre paid cell phones …
6:20pm : Someone turns on the radio and flips through stations, listening for emergency reports of massive natural disasters….. nothing….. nothing… BBC football.. nothing… weather reports… top 40…nothing….
7:00pm : Evening News van crew outside the parking lot has went from snickering to belly laughing at the crowd , who is now milling around and thinning out.
8:50pm: Word is out that Harold Camping has been found dead in his broadcasting booth, dead from self inflicted gunshot wound into the brainstem. Around him are shredded pages of his personal bible , and scrawled on the glass of the booth in cupcake frosting are the words “DAMMIT I WAS SO SURE THIS TIME.”
10:00pm Camping’s family announces that an empty pile of clothes were found in Camping’s booth, and that they were closing the radio ministry and changing it to a Top 40 station affiliate, in order to pay off massive debts Camping accumulated these last few months.
12:00 AM 5/22/2011 : News reports start trickling in around the world of mass suicides of Campings followers, mostly overseas.
10AM 5/22/2011: Churches around the world have Sunday Service as usual, throwing in a quick word about “It does indeed say in the bible in several places that nobody knows when the end will come, just look at THAT idiot…” and life goes on.
The End.
What do you think?

Let’s start at 5:00pm, an hour before the 2nd Coming of Christ and the Judgment of All Mankind is scheduled to occur, according to his brilliant numerology:
5:00pm = Everyone gets into their Sunday Best and goes to Chur- um…I mean, random parking lots and community centers all over the world to dance around singing “Hallelujah.Hallelujah.”
5:30pm = Last meal before the Rapture, funds are kind of tight so everyone will have to settle for Franks and Beans in the western hemisphere and just beans everywhere else. “Close your eyes and imagine it’s a juicy Thanksgiving Turkey, like the Israelites ate of the Mannah!” Camping will say.
5:59pm : Arms raised, hands joined with white knuckles, lots of crying and speaking in tongues…aaaaaaaaannnndddd…
6:05pm: ….arms getting tired… lots of people sneaking peeks at their wristwatches and pre paid cell phones …
6:20pm : Someone turns on the radio and flips through stations, listening for emergency reports of massive natural disasters….. nothing….. nothing… BBC football.. nothing… weather reports… top 40…nothing….
7:00pm : Evening News van crew outside the parking lot has went from snickering to belly laughing at the crowd , who is now milling around and thinning out.
8:50pm: Word is out that Harold Camping has been found dead in his broadcasting booth, dead from self inflicted gunshot wound into the brainstem. Around him are shredded pages of his personal bible , and scrawled on the glass of the booth in cupcake frosting are the words “DAMMIT I WAS SO SURE THIS TIME.”
10:00pm Camping’s family announces that an empty pile of clothes were found in Camping’s booth, and that they were closing the radio ministry and changing it to a Top 40 station affiliate, in order to pay off massive debts Camping accumulated these last few months.
12:00 AM 5/22/2011 : News reports start trickling in around the world of mass suicides of Campings followers, mostly overseas.
10AM 5/22/2011: Churches around the world have Sunday Service as usual, throwing in a quick word about “It does indeed say in the bible in several places that nobody knows when the end will come, just look at THAT idiot…” and life goes on.
The End.
What do you think?

Let’s start at 5:00pm, an hour before the 2nd Coming of Christ and the Judgment of All Mankind is scheduled to occur, according to his brilliant numerology:
5:00pm = Everyone gets into their Sunday Best and goes to Chur- um…I mean, random parking lots and community centers all over the world to dance around singing “Hallelujah.Hallelujah.”
5:30pm = Last meal before the Rapture, funds are kind of tight so everyone will have to settle for Franks and Beans in the western hemisphere and just beans everywhere else. “Close your eyes and imagine it’s a juicy Thanksgiving Turkey, like the Israelites ate of the Mannah!” Camping will say.
5:59pm : Arms raised, hands joined with white knuckles, lots of crying and speaking in tongues…aaaaaaaaannnndddd…
6:05pm: ….arms getting tired… lots of people sneaking peeks at their wristwatches and pre paid cell phones …
6:20pm : Someone turns on the radio and flips through stations, listening for emergency reports of massive natural disasters….. nothing….. nothing… BBC football.. nothing… weather reports… top 40…nothing….
7:00pm : Evening News van crew outside the parking lot has went from snickering to belly laughing at the crowd , who is now milling around and thinning out.
8:50pm: Word is out that Harold Camping has been found dead in his broadcasting booth, dead from self inflicted gunshot wound into the brainstem. Around him are shredded pages of his personal bible , and scrawled on the glass of the booth in cupcake frosting are the words “DAMMIT I WAS SO SURE THIS TIME.”
10:00pm Camping’s family announces that an empty pile of clothes were found in Camping’s booth, and that they were closing the radio ministry and changing it to a Top 40 station affiliate, in order to pay off massive debts Camping accumulated these last few months.
12:00 AM 5/22/2011 : News reports start trickling in around the world of mass suicides of Campings followers, mostly overseas.
10AM 5/22/2011: Churches around the world have Sunday Service as usual, throwing in a quick word about “It does indeed say in the bible in several places that nobody knows when the end will come, just look at THAT idiot…” and life goes on.
The End.
What do you think?